From Perfectionism to Parenthood (With Some Traumatic Bits In-between): Finding Strength in my Maternal Mental Health Journey

It’s Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, and this year’s theme is ‘your voice, your strength’. I’m sharing something a little personal today because I truly believe in the power of speaking out and coming together in the face of adversity - whatever that looks like for you.

The Early Years: Building a Toolkit

Anxiety used to be my vice. Some years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical perfectionism (funny how I ended up being a Virtual Assistant…) and received various forms of therapy throughout my teenage and early adult years. I didn’t know it then, but all that work would later become a lifeline, and a metaphorical toolkit, when early parenthood brought some of the most testing times.

Grief, Lockdown and New Motherhood

At seven months pregnant, mid-lockdown, I lost my dad very suddenly. When my first daughter was born, I knew those tools would be essential. She was arguably the little ray of sunshine we all needed, but that didn’t take away from the hard stuff. Nothing is ever black and white.

I felt all the things all at once: exhilaration, grief, and isolation. All while navigating my new identity as ‘mum’.
Fortunately, because of my previous anxiety run-in, I recognised the signs and reached out for help before things spiralled.

A New Chapter: Twins, Meningitis and Support

Fast forward a couple of years, and along came twins. Parenting level 2 and 3 at the same time. Despite having experienced birth before, this was a whole different ball game. Amazing, exhausting and totally overwhelming! A double dose of meningitis at five weeks old, combined with breastfeeding struggles, meant I was calling on my toolkit again. And… I got help.

It was the support of some amazing medical consultants and organisations such as the Breastfeeding Twins and Triplets UK charity that kept me going this time. In the very early days, one IBCLC Lactation Consultant said, ‘I don’t think you’ll give up today’ - that’s all I needed to hear in that moment. She had faith in me even when my own was waning. And I didn't give up that day, or the next. Here we are 2.5 years later, still tandem feeding and proud to say I’m now training as an Infant Feeding Supporter with Barnardo’s, so I can give back in some small way to others walking a similar path.

Mental Health in My Work Life

At work, I’m a mental health advocate and a trained Mental Health First Aider. As a virtual assistant and business owner, I’ve built a career around balance, compassion, and human-first values.

Supporting myself means I’m better placed to support others. Mental wellbeing is embedded in how I work with my clients, with my peers, and with myself. Its not always as simple as it sounds. In fact it rarely is. But it’s at the core of what I do. Supporting and empowering others.

Final Thoughts: Let’s Talk About It

Parenting is powerful, but it can also be really hard (or at least that’s my experience)! Let’s normalise asking for help, talking about our struggles, and creating supportive networks around us.

It’s a big statement, but I stand by it: getting support and feeling supported can genuinely change your experience of parenthood and the course of your life.

I feel empowered knowing what I know now, and from everything I’ve been through. I’m beyond grateful to my community for that. And truthfully, I wouldn’t be a business owner today had I not had children and the confidence that everything up until now has given me.

Get help. Speak out. Come together. #maternalmhmatters
It takes a village.

Read more about Maternal Mental Health Awareness week here.